Tag Archive for 'No good'

Do’s and dont’s to die for

Published on December 27, 2009 in From here & there, Musings and No good. 15 Comments Tags: , , , , , .


Update: This post was selected by BlogAdda for this week’s ‘Tangy Tuesday Picks’ Dec 29, ‘09 :)

Becoming a parent is easy when you have such clear instructions; found at this site which I dont know if they’re really serious or just want to make everyone’s day for a change:

Apparently, you cannot lift a baby by its head. If you didnt know that already. You could try but be aware of the red triangle with the exclamation mark. Dont go by the baby’s neutral and almost-pleasant expression.

This is for the dads-to-be. Remember – if you burn your tongue over too-hot milk, you have only yourself to blame for!

This is for the mum-to-be. Remember – a chicken leg does not equivalent a feeding bottle. No matter how happy you are to feed your baby this way!

Continue reading ‘Do’s and dont’s to die for’

Oh lazy brain

Published on August 29, 2009 in Life as it happens. 9 Comments Tags: , .

Many people asked me as to why I havent written anything in my blog till now. And by many people, I mean at least 3. I replied, “I dont have anything to write about”.

In retrospect, is that really true? Have I nothing to say left anymore? That cant be right since I havent stopped chattering nineteen to the dozen, 24X7 and dont seem to run out of ideas vocally. So why should typing be a different story?

I have resolved to stop playing silly online games that sap up my online time as well as my train of thoughts which leave me no time to do precious little. Let the dust cloths be pulled off this poor blog and may no one suffer from sneezing allergies as we do so.

Brain, I command you to write – starting NOW.

Torture parlour

Published on April 6, 2009 in Life as it happens and No good. 8 Comments Tags: , .

I’ve begun dreading the mandatory visit to the local beauty parlour. And its not as if one can do anything about it since you have to be extra careful with scissor-happy females who hold the power to give you a really bad haircut. And make you look like a freak in the flick of a wrist.

Most of the times, I’m always unfortunate enough to get attended upon by an overtly talkative lady who tries to be your new best friend and give you tips on any subject ranging from blackheads to a happy married life. And they have to speak through a bubble gum to make it as worse as possible.

The fellow gossip-starved clients dont help much either. In fact, both of them team up to churn yard after yard of gossip that smothers everyone around and which although is interesting to listen to for a while but may get real bitchy after a point of time.

Another problem is my specs. They ask me to remove my glasses for the hair cut after which I cant make out what the hell’s going on back there. My hairstyle then automatically depends on the one who is cutting them and by the time she finishes her job and asks me to inspect (with my glasses back on), its usually too late to not like whatever she has just done. Another reason for me and blind people to be nice to the hairdresser.

Eyebrow threading is another task I do not care for much and always squirm with pain whenever the lady rips it off with a vengeance that makes me question her sanity. And as if that wasnt bad enough, I once had the lady press up to me so much that I swear, if she had been pregnant, I could have heard the baby’s heart beat.

The beauty parlour has transmorgified into a torture parlour for me where the moment I enter, I am pointed to a seat and a ton of magazines are automatically dumped on me that feature skinny models with glowing skin and really nice hair.

Oh yeah, as if the trip to the torture parlour itself wasnt bad enough.

I’m willing my hair not to grow back on. Or accept the option to look shabby for the rest of my life. Or gift my hairdresser something really expensive.

P.S. I know this post probably wont make much sense to the guys who all they know of the mysterious beauty parlours is the front door and the sign which says - Men not allowed inside. If you thought waiting outside forever for your girl to emerge was bad, let me tell you, being indoors isnt a lot of fun either. At least for me!

Obsession

Published on March 25, 2009 in Life as it happens. 26 Comments Tags: , .

obsession

I realized that I’m prone to obessions. It amuses me to think that I listen to the same song ten times at a stretch, I play the same game for weeks now so much so that I havent checked my mail, my precious blog and what the heck does real life mean, anyways?

Looking back, I screwed up quite a lot. Apologies to:

  • My best friends who had a baby boy recently. I still havent visited them yet.
  • My baby sister turned 7 this month. I missed her birthday.
  • Also missed two of my best friends’ birthdays. Arrgghh.
  • My dog’s eating grass. This means she’s probably sick. Nothing done about it yet.

I’ve got to start doing things in order of their importance.

And I’ve got to stop believing that descending is also an order.

Did you watch Delhi 6?

Published on February 26, 2009 in Moo-vies. 20 Comments Tags: , , , , .

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I did today and I’m torn between deciding whether I liked it or not. Prior to the movie, I had no idea who was in it, who had directed it or what was it all about. Now that I’m done watching it, I got to know that:

  1. Well known actors from other previously successful movies have been cast in the movie. Therefore, there are a lot of familiar (read: stereotyped) faces assembled together to work their magic. Now I’m not against people finding work or anything but maybe some new faces would have eradicated the sense of deja-vu throughout the film.
  2. The movie’s about portraying the age old charm of Delhi. No wait, its about religious differences. But there is also romance and family drama and the Taj Mahal! And about 10 other topics that were feel-good but crammed into a 3 hour visual that couldnt decide which topic to focus on at best.

The movie starts when Abhishek Bachchan’s grandmom is diagnosed with old people’s disease(s) in the US and she insists on going back to Delhi so she can die at home. They land in Delhi airport and are immediately introduced to the tales of The Monkey Man on TV, who made several real-time news headlines sometime back by attacking people in the streets of Delhi.

In the meanwhile, our hero meets the object of his affection and does weird things like interfere in her arranged marriage proposal meetings to slapping a local cop back in reply thereby landing in jail briefly.

Heavy focus is given on the we-all-love-each-other Indian togetherness where people totally unrelated to each other do things like take granny to the hospital not to mention feeding her porridge at night. Neighbours love each other explicitly thus even though own brothers put up a wall in their house to live separately albeit under the same roof.

Continue reading ‘Did you watch Delhi 6?’

Dont know, dont care

Published on December 2, 2008 in Favourite posts, Life as it happens and No good. 10 Comments Tags: , , , .

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I hate family gatherings. The last time I was in the midst of one, at least six people commented on the way I looked, talked or even breathed for all I knew. They had a gala time being boisterous and smart mouthing about most things which they’d never be able to say out loud in the real world, at least thats what I inferred.

Almost every person beckoned me over and asked – Did you recognize me? Heck, I dont even recognize the same person I met six months back and we’re talking about years and years of reunion here. The only option was to bare my teeth and nod furiously saying – Of course I do! How can I forget.

For instance, I was summoned by someone who’s my great aunt, when in truth I couldnt tell the nature of our relationship to save my life. I walked up to her and a couple of her friends sitting inside, assumed what I felt was a respectable position and then started getting grilled about my life since I was born to 30 years hence.

Then suddenly, this lady at her right snorts out of the blue – Hah, now she doesnt recognize me! Do you know who I am? DO YOU!?!

I assured her that I didnt.

(I didnt want to start knowing her anyway since she seemed to get real angry by this point)

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The lunch that wasnt

Published on November 20, 2008 in Life as it happens. 19 Comments Tags: , , , .

A friend called me for lunch yesterday. It was some holiday so it was also a wednesday off from work. I had no plans and was looking forward to a day of pleasant nothingness. Lunching at her place meant a two hour travel but I thought, what the heck – she’s called me early in the morning (at 7:30 am to be precise) and kept asking me to get there as early as possible AND that she’d make lunch.

I’m game for free lunches as much as the next person so sure, I was in. Reached her place by 12 noon and started chatting. Drank two cups of tea (in huge mugs) and was thinking – its nice to catch up after ages. Thats when two of her cousins arrived and she walked off to talk with them. Leaving me alone, sitting and waiting for a long time AND feeling slightly neglected. Also start feeing hungry around the same time.

“What do you want to have for lunch? Noodles or roti?” asks my friend emerging from nowhere.

I am hoping either of them are already cooked since the last time I looked at the clock, it was already 1 pm.

“Noodles will be fine.” said I.

 ”Its meat noodles, isnt it?”

“Oh you wanted meat, huh? Okay, I’ll tell the cook to chop up some”.

Again, the last time I checked, I was and still am a pure non vegetarian.

Continue reading ‘The lunch that wasnt’

Disadvantage in my car

Published on October 16, 2008 in No good. 14 Comments Tags: , .

My one year old Blaupunkt Maui CD player went kaput. CD Error, it kept displaying. All this while, I kept thinking – perhaps those cheap CDs were the reason. Finally when I told the friendly dealer about it, he said it was a company lens problem and asked me to bring it back for replacement with any other equivalent CD player. Thank god for warranty period.

So I go and choose a Sony X-plod. Dealer says, sorry cant let you switch over from Blaupunkt to Sony. Those are the rules.

I exclaim – but you said ANY OTHER CD player!!!

Dealer apologises profusely but stays adamant. I have no other choice but to select from about 10 models of Blaupunkt, each crappier than the next.

I fret and fume but am sure that this time, I want a CD player with USB because I was sick of writing CDs to death before. Every time I downloaded a new song from the net, I had to go through a whole process of CD writing. It was too much work.

I chose one with USB and by the time I finished pointing, the mechanics are already half way through installing it in the car. The demo goes well till I insert my 2 GB USB and then - gasp - USB ERROR!! 

I cringed inwardly, oh no – back to square one.

The dealer unconvincingly tells me – it just doesnt play 2 GB, thats all – see it works perfectly fine with a 1 GB USB. I feel like wringing his neck.

I dont want a new replacement which has USB size issues after which the dealer tells me (politely though not explicitly) to take it or leave it.

I eat his brains for about 3 hours, trying and testing all other models and eventually ending up with the one that gave me a USB error for 2 GB. 

By this time, the smile on his face’s been wiped out and so’s mine. We’re both feeling slightly hostile towards each other.

As I drove back home, I realized – maybe its okay I at least got a new replacement. The old one had completely stopped playing CDs and was only capable of FM. Have been using the new CD player and it works fine fine fine except for 2 GB USB.

Now I’m confused whether to feel happy about the replacement or to be unhappy about the entire problem to begin with. Or maybe Blaupunkt should change their logo of The Advantage In Your Car to the one in my title.

Have some respect

Published on August 12, 2008 in No good. 13 Comments Tags: , , .

I couldnt believe my eyes when I read this on MTV’s tickr:

Sania’s track pants will make more news than Abhinav Bindra.

He will not get to feature in a single advertisement.

Harman Baweja will be more famous that Abhinav Bindra.

No girl with put up a poster of Abhinav Bindra in her room or even wallpaper on her desktop.

No one will recognize him on the streets.

His signature will never become an autograph.

So what if he won a Gold, Rohit Sharma will still make more money than Abhinav!

At best, RGV may approach Abhinav Bindra for a gangstar film.

And he wont pay him for it.

No one will come on iSuperstar and want to be Abhinav.

Big Boss will not invite him to his house.

Abhinav Bindra will become one of the officers in Khatron Ka Khiladi, at best.

The Abhinav Bindra Fan Club on Facebook has 43 members.

Thats probably two less than Tusshaar’s.

The sad part is that MTV wants to be so cool – it thinks making fun of a national hero is okay. I dont agree with this. Watch out, MTV – this is not one of your Roadies that you’re talking about.

This is a big deal and I for one was stupendously proud of the Indian National Anthem being played at the award ceremony. This is not a small achievement and we all know it.

The 25 year old has achieved what no one had before in the history of Indian Sports. He is India’s first individual Olympic gold medallist while the last gold for India was won by the hockey team in 1980.

He has done India proud and reading such tasteless jokes on MTV makes me ashamed of the media. For what its worth, his picture is now on my desktop.

Congratulations, Abhinav Bindra!

At the movies

Published on June 16, 2008 in Moo-vies. 7 Comments Tags: , .

The bad news is that I watched Woodstock Villa and Sarkar Raj in the same afternoon. The good news (at least for me) is that I lived to write this post. I’ll say one thing for Sikandar: Woodstock Villa isnt really his debut movie. Really. Its actually a three-hour long music album with bits of acting thrown in by so-called debutantes and one Arbaaz Khan who’s now an expert at doing odd bit roles, I think.

The music throughout the film is loud, garishly jing-chak and I felt like I was permanently stuck in a discotheque rather than a dark theatre. The movie is like a slumbering giant that somehow bides its time and wakes up in the last few minutes to reach a most interesting climax that Hitchcock himself would approve.

While Sikandar is so refreshingly different from the regular yuppies who debut on the big screen whether you want them to or not, I expected a more sensible film from the son of Anupam and Kirron Kher. Woodstock Villa turned out to be the exact typical, bollywood masala movie that I dread and want to stay miles away from. I watched this one just for you, Mr & Mrs Kher.

As for Sarkar Raj, I knew it was going to be a most sober movie with no light moments whatsoever even as Abhishek Bachchan stares at the camera dead panned and a loud clanging follows every piece of affecting dialogue delivered by the hero. I was not disappointed, thereby not bothered much.

All three Bachchans were deadly serious in the movie and Abhiskek went the extra mile to finally end his role in it. Sarkar’s 10-minute long monologue at the end of the movie seemed like hours to me as somehow this person and that person was behind this plot and had planned to do this, through him and to god only knows what.

The ending was so unbelievable as Ram Gopal Varma shares his thoughts with the audience when Sarkar orders his grandson back home before the curtains fell. One can guess that he plans to resurrect Abhishek Bachchan in Sarkar-Part III wherein he will play the grandson in a inimitable style unique to Bollywood. Good luck to everyone involved and especially to us, the guinea pig of an audience.

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