Tag Archive for 'Funny'

Do’s and dont’s to die for


Update: This post was selected by BlogAdda for this week’s ‘Tangy Tuesday Picks’ Dec 29, ‘09 :)

Becoming a parent is easy when you have such clear instructions; found at this site which I dont know if they’re really serious or just want to make everyone’s day for a change:

Apparently, you cannot lift a baby by its head. If you didnt know that already. You could try but be aware of the red triangle with the exclamation mark. Dont go by the baby’s neutral and almost-pleasant expression.

This is for the dads-to-be. Remember – if you burn your tongue over too-hot milk, you have only yourself to blame for!

This is for the mum-to-be. Remember – a chicken leg does not equivalent a feeding bottle. No matter how happy you are to feed your baby this way!

Continue reading ‘Do’s and dont’s to die for’

Did you watch Delhi 6?

delhi-6

I did today and I’m torn between deciding whether I liked it or not. Prior to the movie, I had no idea who was in it, who had directed it or what was it all about. Now that I’m done watching it, I got to know that:

  1. Well known actors from other previously successful movies have been cast in the movie. Therefore, there are a lot of familiar (read: stereotyped) faces assembled together to work their magic. Now I’m not against people finding work or anything but maybe some new faces would have eradicated the sense of deja-vu throughout the film.
  2. The movie’s about portraying the age old charm of Delhi. No wait, its about religious differences. But there is also romance and family drama and the Taj Mahal! And about 10 other topics that were feel-good but crammed into a 3 hour visual that couldnt decide which topic to focus on at best.

The movie starts when Abhishek Bachchan’s grandmom is diagnosed with old people’s disease(s) in the US and she insists on going back to Delhi so she can die at home. They land in Delhi airport and are immediately introduced to the tales of The Monkey Man on TV, who made several real-time news headlines sometime back by attacking people in the streets of Delhi.

In the meanwhile, our hero meets the object of his affection and does weird things like interfere in her arranged marriage proposal meetings to slapping a local cop back in reply thereby landing in jail briefly.

Heavy focus is given on the we-all-love-each-other Indian togetherness where people totally unrelated to each other do things like take granny to the hospital not to mention feeding her porridge at night. Neighbours love each other explicitly thus even though own brothers put up a wall in their house to live separately albeit under the same roof.

Continue reading ‘Did you watch Delhi 6?’

It aint no picnic

I’ve lost all enthusiasm about going for picnics. Today was the annual office picnic and although I have been attending these since I’ve joined, I gave this year a miss. Many people asked me why. I just didnt feel like going this year.

The funny thing is I always give this theory when people act pricey about attending social events especially when they’re expected to be present. The theory goes something like this:

There are some people (in this world) who will always say that they wont be going and the rest have to beg, plead, cajole and whine for them to finally consent. That is only if the following sentences are uttered – Come on, it will be no fun without you. Please come, it wont be the same. And so on and so forth.

Theory not applicable here, of course.

The definition of a picnic isnt a fun event for me anymore. I dont know what kind of picnics you guys go to but the ones I end up in usually involve a group of people playing cards from 10am till 5pm. Last year, the winner made about 4000 rupees by the end of the day. A worthy task indeed and much boasted about till this date. Another group of people will be dancing for approximately the same period of time, watched by The Audience who probably dont know how to play cards and dont know how to dance either, in my opinion.

And before anyone asks, I belong to the dancing category.

And there is one teetotaller who will be given the most important job of being the bartender. He will be immensely popular that day and will be everybody’s friend as long as the drinks keep coming. The moment the bar closes, he runs for his life and a commotion is guaranteed at the empty bar.

Happens every year.

Continue reading ‘It aint no picnic’

The lunch that wasnt

A friend called me for lunch yesterday. It was some holiday so it was also a wednesday off from work. I had no plans and was looking forward to a day of pleasant nothingness. Lunching at her place meant a two hour travel but I thought, what the heck – she’s called me early in the morning (at 7:30 am to be precise) and kept asking me to get there as early as possible AND that she’d make lunch.

I’m game for free lunches as much as the next person so sure, I was in. Reached her place by 12 noon and started chatting. Drank two cups of tea (in huge mugs) and was thinking – its nice to catch up after ages. Thats when two of her cousins arrived and she walked off to talk with them. Leaving me alone, sitting and waiting for a long time AND feeling slightly neglected. Also start feeing hungry around the same time.

“What do you want to have for lunch? Noodles or roti?” asks my friend emerging from nowhere.

I am hoping either of them are already cooked since the last time I looked at the clock, it was already 1 pm.

“Noodles will be fine.” said I.

 ”Its meat noodles, isnt it?”

“Oh you wanted meat, huh? Okay, I’ll tell the cook to chop up some”.

Again, the last time I checked, I was and still am a pure non vegetarian.

Continue reading ‘The lunch that wasnt’

Being bichara

In nepali, this word means the same as it means in hindi – poor thing!

The occasion is dussehra holidays. We call it Dasai here in the local language. It’s a major festive event with loads of celebrating – eating, drinking and making merry. I called my maid today afternoon and we had this conversation.

Me: Here, I got you a few things for the dasai celebrations in your house.

She: Bichara, mam!!! There was no need…

Me: Dont be silly. Here’s a kilo of mutton for your family today evening. I know you cook fab so enjoy!

She: Bichara!!! Really, there was no need…

Me: And here’s a bottle of whiskey for your kind husband. Hope he likes it.

She: Bichara!!! Oh no… this is too much…

Me: Uff! I havent finished. Here’s a packet of gulab jamuns. These are for your children (she has four) I thought I’d get them something too.

She: Oh, you didnt have to take so much trouble… bichara…

Me: And last but not the least, here’s your salary for the last month. I’ve added some more cash so that you can go buy something nice you like.

She: Oh… oh… bichara…

Me: WILL YOU STOP SAYING BICHARA???

By the time she left (still saying bichara on her way out), I felt really sorry for myself.

Strange element of narcissism

The previous Love Tag had my friends answer a common question - What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

Well, I guess I’m very happy with all the answers I got to read what they feel about me. Take a look:

Do I have to answer this? Rinchen is my chaddi-buddy yaar. We went to school together and were neighbors. She has always been that wild child! But ironically, leads a life of one tamed lecturer these days. Might get over that and turn into a wild bureaucrat soon though. Fingers crossed!!!

Heh – all true, I’m afraid. Every single word. Tamed lecturer??? Hahaha… I would like to see an untamed one. And I’m hoping for that bit about a wild bureaucrat to be true too.

She’s different from everyone else I know! She’s one of a kind. She’s a little weird in a curious way and I’ll never be able to predict her actions. :)

And I think there’s a totally different person buried deep inside the exterior she’s been showing to everyone in this world.

Cant disagree. Thanks to you, I’m going to have to reflect on the last sentence and ponder over it deeply… Though I like that bit about being different and one of a kind. And being unpredictable is spot on. You know me very well, dont you? :)

I like Ringchen. I know in first person her humility, intelligence, sense of humor and Captainship. HATS OFF TO MY DESKMATE.

Aww… Times like these, I want to go back in time and hug my desk mate in the middle of a long, boring lecture involving electrical machine design. I wouldnt have been in so much of a hurry to finish college and grow older if I knew that our path would rarely cross again after that.

I have known Rinchen for so many years. She was my senior in school, but we never interacted. But now that we have, I think she is a wonderful person,fun to be around, totally addicted to the internet :) ,very good with words. I think she can talk her way out of any difficult situation. 

Can I? Hahaha… That little trick comes in handy when I have a fire-breathing boss demanding for a specific piece of work that was due yesterday. Upon which, I buy a little time (yes, talking out my way) – LOG OUT OF THE INTERNET and then do that stupid work.

Rinchen, Shes witty, forthright and intelligent. So much I can tell from her writing and I love her blog! She also has good taste because we seem to have a lot in common.

This is the first time I’ve been told I have good taste. I love this compliment. Very much. Thanks, you all. You guys made my day :)

The ‘Love’ Tag!

The rules for the tag are:

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?

I’m assuming its with a girl. So, initially, I’ll be too worked up screaming abuses and crying my heart out. I guess getting drunk is always an option. When I finally come to my senses, I’ll probably move out of the house and while I’m at it – take an undefined leave of absence from work and head to Hyderabad. My best friend’s been behind my back telling me to visit her for years now. 

What I’m trying to get at is this – life still goes on no matter who lives or dies or who stops becoming a part of it. Its all easy to say, I know but its going to be real crappy to actually live it. Hoping to not face it, at least not in this lifetime.

2. If you have a dream come true, what would it be?

After being aimless and goal-less for such a long time, I’ve never thought about this question at all. So I’m finding it very hard to answer it … ah, who am I kidding I’ll take - Rich and Famous, any day!

3. If you could, whose butt would you like to kick?

Ooh… I read Vidya’s answers and liked what she wrote. So I’m going to change my answer and say – I too would like to kick everyone’s butt at some point of time or other. And yes, I’d like to kick my own butt because I know that it is not physically possible for me to do so, even as truly I deserve some of it.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

How many zeros is that??? How much would that be in rupees??? Heh. I’ll blow it all up, if I get the chance. Travel around the world, gamble it on the casinos, buy a hotel like Burj Al Arab in Dubai (I hope a billion dollar covers it). Distribute the rest of it among my friends. Thats right – though no more Orkut friend requests, okay?

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

Erm, she’s a girl so I guess not. The other guys who’re sort of best friends are too much brotherly sorts, so no go there either. Even if I had a best friend who was male and hot to boot, whats the use? In any case, I dont want my husband to be doing all the things I would’ve done in answer #1.

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

As long as that someone spoils me rotten, as I expect him to, it’s okay with me both ways. Call me materialistic, I believe I dont care.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

I hate waiting. I cant stop fidgeting when I have to. Then I start cursing the late kates and even when they finally show up, I’m often spoiling the mood by griping about the whole thing. Love just flies out of the window at times like these.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

Nothing. I secretly like innumerable people every week, attached or unattached. Acting upon it would hardly be the appropriate thing to do. So I grin and bear it till the next person comes along.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

Child labour. Its so rampant everywhere yet we do nothing about it except for hire more children to do our dirty work perhaps.

10. Do you lie?

Everytime. I can live with it. However other people have a problem with it, for which the answer is to lie some more.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

I dunno. Here? Still blogging, maybe. Unless I have to go run that expensive hotel I bought. If nothing else, I’d like to be happy. About living my life as I want. Happy to be alive and feel grateful for every single moment.

12. What’s your fear?

Losing people I love. Not being able to do things I want. Of horrific creatures coming out of the dark to haunt me. Being stagnant at work. Being bitter and cruel to others. My stupid anger. Being corrupt and hostile. The list goes on.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

I like Gurpreet. I think she’s got an awesome sense of humour and I like reading her blog. She’s got a terrific daughter, Ruhi about whom I just love to read. If I have a daughter myself one day, I’d very much like her to be like Ruhi.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

Heh. A minor re-write. I’d rather be married and rich. Like I am(?) right now.

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

I’m more and more getting the impression that this questionnaire isnt meant for married people! Who would I pick? I guess this is the kind of time Inky Pinky Ponky  would be put to good use. 

16. Would you give all in a relationship?

All and more. I’m an extremist. I usually do everything or nothing at all. In any relationship for that matter. Its a different thing that I dont try to expect SO MUCH back in return. Thats just being delusional. The thing is – its better not to expect too much and be happy when you get something back at all.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

Nope. I’ll carry that sting with me to the grave. Well, it actually all depends on my mood, truthfully. Whoever did that horrible thing would have to catch me in a good mood and see what happens. 

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

I love being in a relationship. I’m too much independent for my own good, I know but I dont think I can do without my husband either. I loved being single before. Its so liberating not to be answerable to anyone and do whatever the hell you want to. I’m happy to have experienced both.

19. Your all time favourite song. Only ONE. And why?

Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow. I used to listen to this song while growing up. Makes me feel nostalgic. Plus, its one heck of a song, in my opinion.

20. I TAG these 6 people because…

Shaliya – cause she’s the kind of single girl I would have been if only. I’d love to hear her thoughts on this one.

GWBE – The Pri of the AnDePRin gang, the defunct cough syrup company. I’ve never seen her do tags so I’m happy this one is unavoidable.

Sree – I love the way she writes. I cant wait to see her post.

Shradha – I want to know what she thinks. 

Vidya - I would like to know what her answers would be.

Ansu – She’s on a long vacation right now. Does she have her work cut out for her when she comes back!

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