Archive for the 'No good' Category

Do’s and dont’s to die for

Published on December 27, 2009 in From here & there, Musings and No good. 15 Comments Tags: , , , , , .


Update: This post was selected by BlogAdda for this week’s ‘Tangy Tuesday Picks’ Dec 29, ‘09 :)

Becoming a parent is easy when you have such clear instructions; found at this site which I dont know if they’re really serious or just want to make everyone’s day for a change:

Apparently, you cannot lift a baby by its head. If you didnt know that already. You could try but be aware of the red triangle with the exclamation mark. Dont go by the baby’s neutral and almost-pleasant expression.

This is for the dads-to-be. Remember – if you burn your tongue over too-hot milk, you have only yourself to blame for!

This is for the mum-to-be. Remember – a chicken leg does not equivalent a feeding bottle. No matter how happy you are to feed your baby this way!

Continue reading ‘Do’s and dont’s to die for’

Torture parlour

Published on April 6, 2009 in Life as it happens and No good. 8 Comments Tags: , .

I’ve begun dreading the mandatory visit to the local beauty parlour. And its not as if one can do anything about it since you have to be extra careful with scissor-happy females who hold the power to give you a really bad haircut. And make you look like a freak in the flick of a wrist.

Most of the times, I’m always unfortunate enough to get attended upon by an overtly talkative lady who tries to be your new best friend and give you tips on any subject ranging from blackheads to a happy married life. And they have to speak through a bubble gum to make it as worse as possible.

The fellow gossip-starved clients dont help much either. In fact, both of them team up to churn yard after yard of gossip that smothers everyone around and which although is interesting to listen to for a while but may get real bitchy after a point of time.

Another problem is my specs. They ask me to remove my glasses for the hair cut after which I cant make out what the hell’s going on back there. My hairstyle then automatically depends on the one who is cutting them and by the time she finishes her job and asks me to inspect (with my glasses back on), its usually too late to not like whatever she has just done. Another reason for me and blind people to be nice to the hairdresser.

Eyebrow threading is another task I do not care for much and always squirm with pain whenever the lady rips it off with a vengeance that makes me question her sanity. And as if that wasnt bad enough, I once had the lady press up to me so much that I swear, if she had been pregnant, I could have heard the baby’s heart beat.

The beauty parlour has transmorgified into a torture parlour for me where the moment I enter, I am pointed to a seat and a ton of magazines are automatically dumped on me that feature skinny models with glowing skin and really nice hair.

Oh yeah, as if the trip to the torture parlour itself wasnt bad enough.

I’m willing my hair not to grow back on. Or accept the option to look shabby for the rest of my life. Or gift my hairdresser something really expensive.

P.S. I know this post probably wont make much sense to the guys who all they know of the mysterious beauty parlours is the front door and the sign which says - Men not allowed inside. If you thought waiting outside forever for your girl to emerge was bad, let me tell you, being indoors isnt a lot of fun either. At least for me!

The F word

Published on February 20, 2009 in Music and No good. 25 Comments Tags: , , , , .

pentagram

Pic courtesy: http://pentagram.in

The F word? I know we’re offended by it. Most of us, including me, dont use it on a regular basis. But making a big deal out of it at the end of a rock show is ridiculous. Wait, its more than that – its fucking ridiculous. Especially when that band was Pentagram, made famous by Vishal (of the Vishal-Shekhar duo who’s making sappy bollywood songs compared to this band’s music, I now realize)

I’m not a major Pentagram fan, I admit. Because I havent really listened to them much before. But I like music concerts even though to my sorrow, I live in a concert-starved place unlike some of you lucky people living in the metros.

So when a local college invites a prestigious national band to perform in their fest, I usually hunt down my friends working there and extort passes from them each year.

The show kicked off by Vishal saying:

I know you guys are respectable professors (crowd booing!) and shit but at a Pentagram show, no body sits down. (I cheered) So you have two choices, either you guys can – (quick rethink) – I humbly request you to please stand and join this party with us!

The concert was fun. The band mostly played their original compositions some of which I’d never heard before but it was tremendously interesting watching them perform. Vishal rocks! I think I love him.

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Dont know, dont care

Published on December 2, 2008 in Favourite posts, Life as it happens and No good. 10 Comments Tags: , , , .

images2

I hate family gatherings. The last time I was in the midst of one, at least six people commented on the way I looked, talked or even breathed for all I knew. They had a gala time being boisterous and smart mouthing about most things which they’d never be able to say out loud in the real world, at least thats what I inferred.

Almost every person beckoned me over and asked – Did you recognize me? Heck, I dont even recognize the same person I met six months back and we’re talking about years and years of reunion here. The only option was to bare my teeth and nod furiously saying – Of course I do! How can I forget.

For instance, I was summoned by someone who’s my great aunt, when in truth I couldnt tell the nature of our relationship to save my life. I walked up to her and a couple of her friends sitting inside, assumed what I felt was a respectable position and then started getting grilled about my life since I was born to 30 years hence.

Then suddenly, this lady at her right snorts out of the blue – Hah, now she doesnt recognize me! Do you know who I am? DO YOU!?!

I assured her that I didnt.

(I didnt want to start knowing her anyway since she seemed to get real angry by this point)

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Disadvantage in my car

Published on October 16, 2008 in No good. 14 Comments Tags: , .

My one year old Blaupunkt Maui CD player went kaput. CD Error, it kept displaying. All this while, I kept thinking – perhaps those cheap CDs were the reason. Finally when I told the friendly dealer about it, he said it was a company lens problem and asked me to bring it back for replacement with any other equivalent CD player. Thank god for warranty period.

So I go and choose a Sony X-plod. Dealer says, sorry cant let you switch over from Blaupunkt to Sony. Those are the rules.

I exclaim – but you said ANY OTHER CD player!!!

Dealer apologises profusely but stays adamant. I have no other choice but to select from about 10 models of Blaupunkt, each crappier than the next.

I fret and fume but am sure that this time, I want a CD player with USB because I was sick of writing CDs to death before. Every time I downloaded a new song from the net, I had to go through a whole process of CD writing. It was too much work.

I chose one with USB and by the time I finished pointing, the mechanics are already half way through installing it in the car. The demo goes well till I insert my 2 GB USB and then - gasp - USB ERROR!! 

I cringed inwardly, oh no – back to square one.

The dealer unconvincingly tells me – it just doesnt play 2 GB, thats all – see it works perfectly fine with a 1 GB USB. I feel like wringing his neck.

I dont want a new replacement which has USB size issues after which the dealer tells me (politely though not explicitly) to take it or leave it.

I eat his brains for about 3 hours, trying and testing all other models and eventually ending up with the one that gave me a USB error for 2 GB. 

By this time, the smile on his face’s been wiped out and so’s mine. We’re both feeling slightly hostile towards each other.

As I drove back home, I realized – maybe its okay I at least got a new replacement. The old one had completely stopped playing CDs and was only capable of FM. Have been using the new CD player and it works fine fine fine except for 2 GB USB.

Now I’m confused whether to feel happy about the replacement or to be unhappy about the entire problem to begin with. Or maybe Blaupunkt should change their logo of The Advantage In Your Car to the one in my title.

People can think what they want

Published on October 13, 2008 in Life as it happens and No good. 12 Comments

I was at the bank sometime back and had nothing to do other than listen in on a most personal conversation between two women, well… due to lack of having anything else to do. They had just finished hugging and greeting each other in such a manner that it was safe to assume they hadn’t seen either in years. In the mean time, a kid kept tugging at one of the woman’s dupatta, wailing about something or the other.

The other, apparently older friend then proceeds to generally fawn over the little dumpling and after getting over with the mandatory cootchiecooing, she turned her attention back to the mother.

“So how many kids do you have? How old is this little tyke?”

“Oh, he’s five. And also an only child”

“Hmm… so you have ONLY one kid?? I guess thats okay too. But I hope you guys are planning to have at least one more kid, you know. After all, you’ve been married for what? Ten years now?”

Embarassed laughter. “I guess we could always try…”

“Yeah, well – you know what people say when you have only one kid…”

What do people say when you have only one kid??? Poor sperm count? That they were apparently lucky that one time and god knows if not for that, they’d be childless and lets not even go to that kind of situation?

This WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK syndrome, which is a common enough topic in India, doesnt just stop at that poor ONE kid. For all we know, its an offense to:

1. Be a spinster/bachelor after 30 perhaps.

2. Have a live in relationship.

3. Be a childless couple.

4. Get separated.

5. Get divorced.

6. Get re-married.

7. What else? Perhaps think for yourself too?

I knew a chronic bachelor who was hounded by matchmakers all over town in the hope that some lucky girl would one day snag him and cut short his freedom. Another friend of mine’s a happy go lucky 38 year old spinster who doesnt mind categorizing marriage at the bottom of her priority list.

P.S. What will people think, eh? Answer in  # 24 of http://ringchen.com/things-about-me

Duh day

Published on September 29, 2008 in No good. 10 Comments

I’m extremely irritated at this point of time. I’ve sat in front of the computer the whole day and my eyes are watery and I’ve begun to get a mild headache that’s threatening to turn into a big one.

There was a bandh in the state today from 6 am to 6 pm, the first one in 10 years. As a result, I couldnt go out and do anything I wanted to. Not that I roam around like anything and keep doing things on a regular basis. But the idea of being confined to one space and not having the option to take off as I wanted to was a major reality check for me.

We take the notion of freedom of movement very lightly now that its been about 60 years of independence? Yet, when life comes to a standstill and you dont get to do the normal things that you take for granted, its a shock, nonetheless. 

To top it all, I deleted the previous post. Arrghh. I dont think I am in a fine mental state to type it all over again. My back hurts from sitting here all day and my moods worsens.

And I dont even want to go towards my state of writer’s block. Its been plaguing me for some time and I think I’m running short of things to write about in this blog. Brain function decreasing and oxygen suppy diminishes.

I… cant… see…

Security

Published on September 14, 2008 in No good. 15 Comments

I came to know about the bomb blasts which occured in Delhi claiming the lives of 22 people and injuring over 100 people. I find it difficult to imagine the monstrosity of the people responsible for this. What could possibly be going on in their heads? What greater purpose do the blasts serve? Its a shame that innocent people all over the country have to pay with their lives for whatever animosity lies behind the blasts.

We live in a world filled with terror. Of hatred for one another. Of cold, heartless killers who do not hesitate to take countless innocent lives. When the Jaipur blasts occured, one person on TV said, We are living in fear for we do not know if we’ll return back home in the evening or not. It struck me as a very unfamiliar emotion and state of mind. I remember thinking – how could anyone live like that? Surely we deserve to be safe and secure in our homes or offices or the streets we walk in.

Justifiably, people are more insecure these days. We do not know where the next bomb blast could possibly take place. It could be 1000 kilometres away from you. It could be next door. How pityful is it for us to be and remain insecure about our safety. How very primitive. 

I feel sorry for the people who lost their lives in the Delhi blasts. For their families who mourn the loss. Notwithstanding, It could have also been any of us. 

The government is talking about anti-terrorist laws. With so many attacks happening all over the country, it is high time that action should be taken and the people responsible behind it punished. Let them also know that they cannot just blow up cities and kill people for no reason. 

We need to feel secure again.

Pseudo feminist

Published on September 7, 2008 in Favourite posts, Gender blender and No good. 14 Comments

I have very strong feelings when it comes to gender discrimination. I’m usually telling people off whenever I come across discussions pertaining to women belonging to the inferior catgory and what not. One of my colleague sometimes counsels students by saying This is not America. While it is true that THIS really is not America, I find it hard to maintain perspective when he says that men can do anything they want because they can. And women cant. Thats the law of society and thats just how it is. So quit with the behaviour-influenced-by-western-culture. Understand?

He’s right, I know. Our culture and society favour men. We, the women are the weaker gender and even though so many issues have been raised regarding the equality of women, the gender debate is far from over.

I, personally dont think that women are any less capable compared to men. If I were a man, I’d be able to afford a wife (who wouldnt need to work) and raise children comfortably. I’d also rather punch the daylights out of all chauvinists but thats just how I feel.

So, it was a shock, a major one at that – when I discovered a woman standing with a measurement strip wound around her neck at a local tailor’s shop yesterday. I tried my best not to stare at her, closed my mouth and proceeded towards the tumultuous ordeal of talking business to her.

(After staring at the lady for a long time)

Me: Erm… where’s the other man who used to work here?

She: (Frostily) That guy left the shop ages back. He doesnt work here anymore.

(Desperately trying to figure if she would screw my dress because whoever’s heard of a female tailor??? Certainly not the pseudo-feminist that I was)

Me: Umm… It’s been years since I’ve visited your shop. Thats why I was looking for that other guy… (Attempting at something that probably does not even resemble a smile)

She: (Smiling back) Oh, thats all right. I’ve been working here for the past 4 years now.

(Sigh of relief as I exhale audibly. If she’s been working for 4 years, my clothes are in safe hands, I figure)

Me: Oh! I just didnt know that you’re working here. Okay. No problem.

As I left the shop, I thought to myself – how ironic is it that I berate others for gender discrimination when I, as a woman, did exactly that just now.

It is doubly hard to change the world unless you can change yourself. Isnt it?

The great debate

Published on September 3, 2008 in No good and Sikkim. 361 Comments

I’ve recently been battling out the topic of stopping immigration in Sikkim in the forum of sikkimonline.info. The topic ranted about a Sikkimese being an alien in their own domain, being dominated or called chinkys, bahadur, etc. outside the state. This is how I responded:

Continue reading ‘The great debate’

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