Archive for the 'Gender blender' Category

Pseudo feminist

Published on September 7, 2008 in Favourite posts, Gender blender and No good. 14 Comments Tags: , , .

I have very strong feelings when it comes to gender discrimination. I’m usually telling people off whenever I come across discussions pertaining to women belonging to the inferior catgory and what not. One of my colleague sometimes counsels students by saying This is not America. While it is true that THIS really is not America, I find it hard to maintain perspective when he says that men can do anything they want because they can. And women cant. Thats the law of society and thats just how it is. So quit with the behaviour-influenced-by-western-culture. Understand?

He’s right, I know. Our culture and society favour men. We, the women are the weaker gender and even though so many issues have been raised regarding the equality of women, the gender debate is far from over.

I, personally dont think that women are any less capable compared to men. If I were a man, I’d be able to afford a wife (who wouldnt need to work) and raise children comfortably. I’d also rather punch the daylights out of all chauvinists but thats just how I feel.

So, it was a shock, a major one at that – when I discovered a woman standing with a measurement strip wound around her neck at a local tailor’s shop yesterday. I tried my best not to stare at her, closed my mouth and proceeded towards the tumultuous ordeal of talking business to her.

(After staring at the lady for a long time)

Me: Erm… where’s the other man who used to work here?

She: (Frostily) That guy left the shop ages back. He doesnt work here anymore.

(Desperately trying to figure if she would screw my dress because whoever’s heard of a female tailor??? Certainly not the pseudo-feminist that I was)

Me: Umm… It’s been years since I’ve visited your shop. Thats why I was looking for that other guy… (Attempting at something that probably does not even resemble a smile)

She: (Smiling back) Oh, thats all right. I’ve been working here for the past 4 years now.

(Sigh of relief as I exhale audibly. If she’s been working for 4 years, my clothes are in safe hands, I figure)

Me: Oh! I just didnt know that you’re working here. Okay. No problem.

As I left the shop, I thought to myself – how ironic is it that I berate others for gender discrimination when I, as a woman, did exactly that just now.

It is doubly hard to change the world unless you can change yourself. Isnt it?

Big Picture

Published on March 17, 2008 in Gender blender. 7 Comments

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I know someone who always counsels young people by saying – “We live in such a society which always has a tolerant attitude towards men but never to a woman.”

Then he goes on to say, “If tomorrow I were to smoke, drink and basically make an ass of myself in public, people will brush it off as a Man thing. But if she”, after which he proceeds to point towards me - “were to do it, people would say she’s a tramp who indulges in ungodly habits. Thats the nature of our society.”

Whether I think he’s trying to nail home any other point is immaterial, I guess. As long as the message gets delivered loud and clear to the target audience. Happy to be the Nearly Labeled Tramp example, no problem.

Wine, women & song

Published on February 11, 2008 in Favourite posts, Gender blender and In the drink. 7 Comments Tags: , .

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A typical wedding reception where I live includes a lot of drinking. The host actually gauges the level of a guest having a good time by the quantity of alcohol consumed by that person. And of course, there are plenty of people indulging in rambunctious laughing/talking/dancing. Naturally, the music is loud and there’s a great big, nicely decorated bar in the corner.

I dont have any problem with the above things. If people dont really care whether they have to crawl their way back home on all four limbs, that is their personal choice. What I dont like is the automatic classification of wine & women. The song, as I said before is loud and usually a racy, dance number.

The first thing people will ask me is if I’d like to drink some wine. Sometimes I’m asked for a second choice of red or white wine but thats usually the limitation for the drink offered to a woman. The rest of the guys get their whiskey, rum and what not.

I dont even like wine. That I will drink it anyway is another story.

As I looked around for other women, in the hope of spotting someone who didnt have a wine glass in her hand, I finally saw a grandma getting her glass filled with a big fat, patiala peg. After which the host diligently placed the entire bottle of brandy by her glass.

Either I will have to summon enough courage to widen the range of drink at the very beginning the next time onwards. Or I shall have to wait till I grow old till I am accepted to be a legitimate non-wine person, I think.

The rating game

Published on January 30, 2008 in Gender blender and REC Calicut. 21 Comments Tags: , , .

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In rememberance of some of the silly things that make college life memorable.

We were a group of twittering first year girls hanging outside our classroom during short break in our very first few months in college. Since the fear of ragging had subsided considerably and we were slowly getting to know the rest of the guys, we girls stood joking and laughing in the corridor as hordes of other first years passed us by.

Although nobody knew how it happened, we found ourselves ogling at the guys passing by; the ones we fancied getting showered with smiles from all around along with nods of pretty girls’ heads. The lesser in the ranks were not given so much as a second glance. One thing led to another and it all avalanched into a rating game. (I have a sneaky feeling that I had a lot to do with spearheading the issue but its all a blur now, thanks to 10 years since then and now)

Soon, the cute guys were being given thumbs up and full points, amidst major giggling, while others were being thumbed down with a sad shake of the head. Thats how we passed 10 minutes of the intended short break. The rated guys were also flashing smiles all around and strutting happily as far as one remembers. It was all a harmless time pass which for once, the girls were taking lead of. And that was that. Or so we believed.

Apparently not all the guys who passed by were freshers like us. There were some seniors too – but – they too didnt look like they minded our silly game and were finding it quite amusing. And that was that. Or so it was believed.

Unfortunately some senior guys, who probably felt left out when they heard the story later on were supposedly startled to actually hear that a group of guys (junior or senior, who cares) were disrespected by a bunch of junior first year girls whose ragging period had hardly gotten over and who should have known better than insult people like that – how dare they!

So after a major overnight brainwashing session by the seniors, a group of angry first year guys (most of whom weren’t even present the previous day) formed a huge crowd on the Rajpath to intercept the girls to teach them a lesson. While they did blast some unfortunate girls passing by early in the morning – including one innocent day scholar who hadnt been one of us – but by the time we reached the crowd, there was a frantic scattering of all the guys as they quickly ran for their life. Puzzled, we looked around and saw the head of security walking cluelessly behind us. And surprisingly enough, that was finally that.

Us women drivers

Published on December 5, 2007 in Gender blender and Life as it happens. 6 Comments

Just to be on the safer side – I am a good driver. Albeit a woman one. Also, I’ve just had only one major car crash, the damage being concentrated on the car only. No one was hurt and we wont count emotional car-o-phobia for a couple of weeks as a big deal, will we?

So last week, a friend asked me for a ride to work. At the last minute, she asked me if I’d be comfy driving her brand new Scorpio instead of taking my (also brand new yet much smaller) Zen. Would I! And how.

The two of us ended up turning a lot of heads during the drive. After a lot of pointing and wondrous looks from passer bys, we understood that people found it strange that two women were driving around in this huge vehicle. If I could have read people’s minds at that time, I knew the first thought would have been – women drivers!

Another friend of mine is soon going to be a proud owner of the soon to be launched Hyundai I10. Since I know his passion for driving, I usually offer him my car keys when we sometimes go out for lunch in search for exotic local cuisines. However I noticed that last time I drove back (my own car) that so-called friend of mine had his hand precariously perched atop the dashboard hoping illogically that it would perhaps break his fall when we go tumbling down the alpine slopes. Hmmff… men drivers!

I sometimes meet my colleague in his Maruti Swift at the parking lot after work. I ask him if he’d like to race; to which he laughingly replies - I dont race girls. Thats why whenever I find him driving ahead of me in the mornings, I make it a point to overtake him and reach first!

All this may not sound like a big deal if you live in the cities where every other driver is a woman. As for me, I live in a place where children point at me as I drive past them and exclaim – Look! A girl driving a car.

Whats in a ‘maiden’ name

Published on November 17, 2007 in Gender blender and These thoughts of mine. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Sometime back, I was listening to a couple of married girls engaged in a heated discussion with friends of their counter parts. The argument in question was the importance or stubborn-ness: call it what you will – of their keeping one’s maiden name. My pet peeve however is an entirely different topic and deals with the M word although as such I have no issues about anyone’s last name, be it mine or someone else’s.

What was funny was that during the entire course of the argument rocking back and forth, I observed no spouse was having a direct verbal lashing with each other in the group. Guess no one wanted to have a grand finale of a fight later on when by themselves most probably.

One opinion as to why girls should vehemently retain their maiden name was that she should be proud of the name given to her by her parents and be that as it may the offspring will definitely be a product of the male lineage of her wedlock, she should at least have the courtesy of retaining the one symbol of pre-marriage identity.

Another opinion was that its all too complicated having to go change one’s name and then having to do all the legal paperwork. There’s this complication of having to justify your double surnames when you are in the process of applying for a new job and all? Its not something thats happened to me but sounded like a good argument nevertheless.

Whatever may be the reason to change or not to change anything, I think its an individual decision and something that should be respected by both sides of the couple. If you do decide to keep your middle name though, I still claim that there’s nothing more irritating than stupid people coming up to you and asking you how is Mr. Your-maiden-name.

The Listener

Published on November 8, 2007 in Gender blender and Life as it happens. 2 Comments

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Its always depressing getting the upset call from your dearest friends. Maybe the only thing that can top that will be of making that call yourself, in my opinion. In all of my near-three decades, I have learnt that the upset call is one of the inevitable things in life that needs no introduction and is unmistakable in its receiving.

I wish I had all the answers to life’s mysteries and why it is that people sometimes tend to behave so unlike themselves. I wish I had the power to read people’s minds and tell them to be more compassionate towards others especially to the one whom you love. Were I to be able to show people how wrong they are to be indifferent to people who care about them, I would lend them a microscope and ask them to examine other possible faults that they could rectify and do without.

I know that no one is perfect. I am also aware that people make mistakes and learn from them. And life is one big roller coaster ride that one should make the best of. But I also know that some people do not deserve to be unhappy. Or crying. And heart-broken. They deserve to be appreciated and loved and cherished. Which I would gladly do had I been in their shoes.

I spoke to my friend for a long time last night. Apart from agreeing with her entirely that she was absolutely right and everything/everyone else was wrong (thats my idea of being supportive), we talked about happier things. About what a wonderful person she is. And she was soon laughing about all the stupid things that normally goes on in our regular conversation. By the time we hung up, she was feeling slightly better or at least thats what I thought.

We all have our issues and irrelevances to work out ourselves. Maybe being nicer to each other can be the little ray of hope that shines on our lives. After all, you live only once. Surely we can afford to segregate all things upset and shelve them so that you live & let live, happily ever after.

An interesting game called 29

Published on October 30, 2007 in Gender blender, Good things and memoirs. 2 Comments

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Anyone who knows the card game of 29 can understand the frenzy and mania associated with it, thereby automatically understands what I’m talking about. Someone made the mistake of remarking, “You people dont know how to play 29? Let me teach you the most interesting game in the world” Ever since then, there’s been no looking back on the happy havoc created by the game in our lives.

The game itself is simple enough. Thats what you think in the beginning. Here are the rules for playing the game itself. Although me and my pal have been hopelessly trying to master the game for about four years now with very little luck. An interesting concept of keeping the score is using a black SIX & red SIX which are arranged to display a red heart (or spade or club or diamond) to show a game won. A black pip shows a game lost. If you continue to lose till all the black pips are uncovered, then you keep score with a black FIVE.

To our shame, me and my best bud, who were partners, once continued to play the game, all the while continuously losing till the last black TWO was uncovered and there were no more cards to lose any further. That game went on till the wee hours of the morning, all the while with us refusing to let the other team leave the table at any cost.

Finally, sick and tired of losing the game to the guys so much that a gender-battle went on as soon as anyone mentioned ’29′, me & my gal pal resorted to signalling which card was which. Then for a while, we started winning although it was only a matter of time before the male radar caught on and used the silent signal to their advantage and win the game themselves!

My partner and me then went and changed the signals for the hearts, diamonds, spades and clubs so much that we ourselves finally got confused and lost the games anyway like how we used to in the beginning. The fates deemed it necessary for us not to win at any cost.

Playing the game till 2 or 3 am continuously was a way of life for the four of us for a long time. We used to celebrate every occasion with a drink and playing this magical game. We used to divide our time between everyone’s places, sleeping overnight just so that we could 29 it.

Sadly, my partner is out of the state till at least April 2008. That means we dont get to play till then but I cannot wait for her to get back. Till then, I dedicate this post in her memory and will probably dream about playing 29 tonight…

Laga chunari mein daarrrggghhh!

Published on October 30, 2007 in Gender blender, Moo-vies and No good. 8 Comments Tags: , .

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You know whats worse than watching a bad movie? Discussing that the movie wasnt all that bad with someone who actually liked it. That too on a monday morning. This movie has now made me stay away from Indian cinema for a long time to come.

The only thing that drew me to watch it in the first place was my friend exclaiming “Journey of a woman! I wont be missing this film” So naturally, being the undying supporter of all things female, I landed myself in the middle of a high society ‘exclusive’ call girl’s story while her family happily spends the cash received back home in re-decorating the house.

Rani Mukerji was the wrongest of wrong choice to play the protagonist. I couldnt bring myself to tear my eyes away from her absurd hair styles while on her way to ‘business’. She had zilch personality on screen. Kudos to the Indian cinema think tanks – if the leading lady opts to live or work the wrong path, she’s supposed to be sad, teary-eyed all in a desperate attempt to garner the masses’ sympathy. And to show that while they’re not endorsing her in any manner, she is in the wrong so naturally, she’s half-dead and cant live a normal life.

While I was reminded by my friend early in the morning, that such cases of small town girl falling easy prey to hyenas of the big city and settlling for peddling skin to earn big bucks for her miserable family do happen, yet translating it in reel life does not necessarily work, as was the case here. Did I mention that the opening shot of the movie is a song and dance routine which pretty much tells you that the rest of the movie is going to be as boring, if not more.

Of the saving grace was Konkona Sen Sharma, who plays the sister… although as brilliant as she is, her performance is a bit deja-vu of say, Metro? The rest of the characters are reasonably okay. My main gripe is with the leading lady who is wasted in the movie while we all know how good an actor she is otherwise.

I remember laughing a lot while watching the movie. Not because of the absent comedy but at myself for putting my brain through three hours (?) of non-stop drama that just didnt work for me. And the movie hall wont see me back for a long time now. Tough luck!

A driving force

Published on August 8, 2007 in Gender blender, memoirs and People I admire. 6 Comments

I was in my second year of college when my best pal invited me to a trip to her house in Cochin. So both of us made a five hour journey all the way from Calicut to her place to be greeted very warmly by her wonderful mum, Amma. Looking back, I cant help but wonder what a Super Mom she really is. She’s a doctor by profession and an amazing cook who used to feed us dosas, idlis, puttus, appams and what not at breakfast! Yumm…. Now this is a really big deal since now that I’m also working, I can only manage to provide bread & eggs for breakfast. Thats why I really appreciate her culinary skills & time management especially at rush hour!

Amma is also a very good driver not to mention an excellent mom. I remember her taking us & the girls to Weekender and other places for shopping trips which we simply enjoyed. She drove us all over MG Road in Cochin and I remember thinking Wow! I’m sure there are few moms who’ll indulge their kids (and their friends) so much!

When our trip finally did get over, she drove us to the railway station and packed us a big bundle of marble cake and biryani for lunch. I still remember her clearly standing at the station waving us off, looking so pretty in her sari. What a Complete Woman!

A few years later, when I finished college and got back home, the first thing I demanded my dad was that I wanted to learn how to drive the car. He pointed me to a driving school and paid my fees following which I finally learnt how to drive and there’s been no looking back ever since.

Four years later, here I am today – I believe I am an experienced enough driver, excluding one memory of a terrible crash but yeah, you live and you learn. These days, when I drive my car to office, I cant help but remember Amma who undoubtably inspired me to get driving. Hats off to her and I love her as much for being my real-life idol :)

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