Do’s and dont’s to die for

Published on December 27, 2009 in From here & there, Musings and No good. 15 Comments Tags: , , , , , .


Update: This post was selected by BlogAdda for this week’s ‘Tangy Tuesday Picks’ Dec 29, ’09 :)

Becoming a parent is easy when you have such clear instructions; found at this site which I dont know if they’re really serious or just want to make everyone’s day for a change:

Apparently, you cannot lift a baby by its head. If you didnt know that already. You could try but be aware of the red triangle with the exclamation mark. Dont go by the baby’s neutral and almost-pleasant expression.

This is for the dads-to-be. Remember – if you burn your tongue over too-hot milk, you have only yourself to blame for!

This is for the mum-to-be. Remember – a chicken leg does not equivalent a feeding bottle. No matter how happy you are to feed your baby this way!

Thats right. A baby is not the same as your pet. Caging it will probably be a wrong way to go about containing it, even though it would work exceedingly well.

So you got a leg sticking out where the baby’s head was supposed to be; AND you tied a good, fast knot at the top to make sure it doesnt escape. Now all you need is a stick and you’re ready to travel the Charlie Chaplin way.

Anyone who would need a horn to wake up a sleeping baby has either been hosting too many game shows or is just plain sadistic. I almost feel sorry for the sleeping tot about to be rudely disturbed.

Chess isnt fun, period. Look at the idiot dad agonizing over his next move. And that timer’s to die for, really.

Okay, from what I’ve gleaned from all this so far is that the parents in the DON’T section are pretty much sadistic doofuses and more.

This takes “playing with baby” to a whole new level. All the way above the title.

I’m pretty sure the title for this pic should have been Killing Baby, definitely not exercising.

Aiiyaaa… karate chops! I’m thinking this be Killing Baby, Part II

… with a hand on the waist! Shouldnt she be checking the time or something like that as well??

Ah, there you go. You may not see it but the baby’s currently on Spin and Dry, 20 minutes.

Who says babies cant have fun, eh? That is one calm, drunk kid, who I’m sure is giving a thumbs up.

Ah, television. The answer to all of life’s problems.

What can I say – if the kid’s head equals the table, bonding over a cuppa just isnt for you, lady.

I dont know about the baby but all this has made me smile a lot in the last few seconds.

Hmm… the fish seem to certainly like the new addition. If as food, then we’ll have to wait a few days and see.

And yeah, Happy New Year. Here’s to 2010 and two years left to die.

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