In dog years, I’m dead

Published on June 20, 2009 in Life as it happens and You live, you learn. 18 Comments

thirty

Today is the last day I will be able to say I am 29. There are very few instances in life when one wants time to stand still and I figure this is definitely one of them. Its surreal leaving the 20’s behind and turning old is cruel, nay excruciatingly painful. Who knew this day would one day arrive.

I was ranting about the very same thing to a friend of mine who had an interesting thing to say: 30’s are the best years of one’s life. According to him, the 20’s are when you’re discovering yourself; maybe experimenting with things, pleasant or otherwise. And a whole lot of drama naturally involved.

On the contrary, the 30’s are when you’ve accepted who you are and you finally learn to make peace with yourself. You know what you want and dont; and basically live life as per your choices and no one else’s.

This made a lot of sense to me. And if at all, what he says is true, I can stop fussing about a number that decides how old I should be because facebook says I’m mentally only 13.

Here’s to three decades well spent. I didnt want to turn 30 but looks like time had other plans!

To being thirty. And (hopefully) stopping the count at that and no, I dont mean anything drastic like dying within this year.

30 and none the wiser. And we shall live happily ever after.

Hello Bangalore!

Published on April 21, 2009 in Life as it happens, Musings and Wanderlust. 13 Comments Tags: , .

I am happy to be back in Bangalore but I have to say – this place has grown so hot! And now I finally know how bad it is to be stuck in one of its horrific traffic jams. Just yesterday, we were being driven around in town and the driver was so friendly that every time we asked him a question, he would turn right back at us to look at us as we speak!

We decided not to ask him any questions since we would ultimately end up being dead that way. After a while, I see the guy’s eyes dozing off in the rear view mirror while the car moves at full speed! What a temperature and what an incredible driver. I am alive as I write this post, to all concerned enough.

Visited some industries today since this is supposed to be an official tour. My colleague asked some impressive whats-the-spindle-rpm questions to the guy who was escorting us for a manufacturing plant tour.

So I decided that I would ask this question on the next tour, only to be reminded by my colleague to make sure that there was actually a spindle on the machine in the first place. Har har.

No, I am not a mechanical engineer. And yes, I know what a spindle looks like. What else do you think is that lady doing on my header with all that yarn???

My hotel room is the hottest place in Bangalore, I’d have to admit. I try leaving the windows open when I leave in the morning. In return, the housekeeping staff are so diligent that they close the windows once they’re done with the daily cleaning so that the room represents a 100 degree centigrade oven when I get back but other than that, the stay is okay.

We’re supposed to keep the receipts of the expensed incurred so that we can get it reimbursed when we get back to office. I wonder if I can sneak in a few INOX theatre tickets in my bunch when no one is looking.

I’m yet to meet my friends here – most of them dont even know that I’m in their city.

Hello once again, Bangalore! Its nice to be back.

Torture parlour

Published on April 6, 2009 in Life as it happens and No good. 7 Comments Tags: , .

I’ve begun dreading the mandatory visit to the local beauty parlour. And its not as if one can do anything about it since you have to be extra careful with scissor-happy females who hold the power to give you a really bad haircut. And make you look like a freak in the flick of a wrist.

Most of the times, I’m always unfortunate enough to get attended upon by an overtly talkative lady who tries to be your new best friend and give you tips on any subject ranging from blackheads to a happy married life. And they have to speak through a bubble gum to make it as worse as possible.

The fellow gossip-starved clients dont help much either. In fact, both of them team up to churn yard after yard of gossip that smothers everyone around and which although is interesting to listen to for a while but may get real bitchy after a point of time.

Another problem is my specs. They ask me to remove my glasses for the hair cut after which I cant make out what the hell’s going on back there. My hairstyle then automatically depends on the one who is cutting them and by the time she finishes her job and asks me to inspect (with my glasses back on), its usually too late to not like whatever she has just done. Another reason for me and blind people to be nice to the hairdresser.

Eyebrow threading is another task I do not care for much and always squirm with pain whenever the lady rips it off with a vengeance that makes me question her sanity. And as if that wasnt bad enough, I once had the lady press up to me so much that I swear, if she had been pregnant, I could have heard the baby’s heart beat.

The beauty parlour has transmorgified into a torture parlour for me where the moment I enter, I am pointed to a seat and a ton of magazines are automatically dumped on me that feature skinny models with glowing skin and really nice hair.

Oh yeah, as if the trip to the torture parlour itself wasnt bad enough.

I’m willing my hair not to grow back on. Or accept the option to look shabby for the rest of my life. Or gift my hairdresser something really expensive.

P.S. I know this post probably wont make much sense to the guys who all they know of the mysterious beauty parlours is the front door and the sign which says - Men not allowed inside. If you thought waiting outside forever for your girl to emerge was bad, let me tell you, being indoors isnt a lot of fun either. At least for me!

Obsession

Published on March 25, 2009 in Life as it happens. 26 Comments Tags: , .

obsession

I realized that I’m prone to obessions. It amuses me to think that I listen to the same song ten times at a stretch, I play the same game for weeks now so much so that I havent checked my mail, my precious blog and what the heck does real life mean, anyways?

Looking back, I screwed up quite a lot. Apologies to:

  • My best friends who had a baby boy recently. I still havent visited them yet.
  • My baby sister turned 7 this month. I missed her birthday.
  • Also missed two of my best friends’ birthdays. Arrgghh.
  • My dog’s eating grass. This means she’s probably sick. Nothing done about it yet.

I’ve got to start doing things in order of their importance.

And I’ve got to stop believing that descending is also an order.

Did you watch Delhi 6?

Published on February 26, 2009 in Interesting to watch and Musings. 20 Comments Tags: , , , .

delhi-6

I did today and I’m torn between deciding whether I liked it or not. Prior to the movie, I had no idea who was in it, who had directed it or what was it all about. Now that I’m done watching it, I got to know that:

  1. Well known actors from other previously successful movies have been cast in the movie. Therefore, there are a lot of familiar (read: stereotyped) faces assembled together to work their magic. Now I’m not against people finding work or anything but maybe some new faces would have eradicated the sense of deja-vu throughout the film.
  2. The movie’s about portraying the age old charm of Delhi. No wait, its about religious differences. But there is also romance and family drama and the Taj Mahal! And about 10 other topics that were feel-good but crammed into a 3 hour visual that couldnt decide which topic to focus on at best.

The movie starts when Abhishek Bachchan’s grandmom is diagnosed with old people’s disease(s) in the US and she insists on going back to Delhi so she can die at home. They land in Delhi airport and are immediately introduced to the tales of The Monkey Man on TV, who made several real-time news headlines sometime back by attacking people in the streets of Delhi.

In the meanwhile, our hero meets the object of his affection and does weird things like interfere in her arranged marriage proposal meetings to slapping a local cop back in reply thereby landing in jail briefly.

Heavy focus is given on the we-all-love-each-other Indian togetherness where people totally unrelated to each other do things like take granny to the hospital not to mention feeding her porridge at night. Neighbours love each other explicitly thus even though own brothers put up a wall in their house to live separately albeit under the same roof.

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The F word

Published on February 20, 2009 in Music and No good. 24 Comments Tags: , , , , .

pentagram

Pic courtesy: http://pentagram.in

The F word? I know we’re offended by it. Most of us, including me, dont use it on a regular basis. But making a big deal out of it at the end of a rock show is ridiculous. Wait, its more than that – its fucking ridiculous. Especially when that band was Pentagram, made famous by Vishal (of the Vishal-Shekhar duo who’s making sappy bollywood songs compared to this band’s music, I now realize)

I’m not a major Pentagram fan, I admit. Because I havent really listened to them much before. But I like music concerts even though to my sorrow, I live in a concert-starved place unlike some of you lucky people living in the metros.

So when a local college invites a prestigious national band to perform in their fest, I usually hunt down my friends working there and extort passes from them each year.

The show kicked off by Vishal saying:

I know you guys are respectable professors (crowd booing!) and shit but at a Pentagram show, no body sits down. (I cheered) So you have two choices, either you guys can – (quick rethink) – I humbly request you to please stand and join this party with us!

The concert was fun. The band mostly played their original compositions some of which I’d never heard before but it was tremendously interesting watching them perform. Vishal rocks! I think I love him.

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The Q & A tag

Published on February 15, 2009 in From here & there and I me & myself. 23 Comments Tags: , , .

Here are the instructions:

USING ONLY ONE WORD! Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to only use one word answers.

Unfortunately, here at Blah Unlimited I found it hard, no excruciatingly difficult, to give one word answers. Apologies to Shaliya who tagged me for not sticking to the rules.

1. Where is your cell phone?
      It is wherever it starts ringing from.
2. Your significant other?
     Is quite significant even though you dont read about him much here.
3. Your hair?
      Short and coloured and currently not obeying the rules of conditioning.
4. Your mother?
     A very sweet person, god bless her soul.
5. Your father?
      Like me, only was more gregarious and smarter.
6. Your favorite thing?
      Currently, playing travian online. My village needs to be catapulted for me to come back to real life.
7. Your dream last night?
     Cant remember.
8. Your favorite drink?
     Vodka and limca. Limca kicks Sprite’s a$$.
9. Your dream/goal?
     I told you I dont remember my dreams. Ditto for goals.
10. What room you are in?
       Room of Requirement. Everything I need is right here!
11. Your hobby?
      Blogging, movies, books, music, traveling.
12. Your fear?
      Dentists. If they ever declare bankruptcy, its because of people like me.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
       My 5 year plan (when I do have one) does not extend to 6 years. Duh!
14. Where were you last night?
       Am I a suspect?

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It aint no picnic

Published on February 7, 2009 in In the drink and memoirs. 19 Comments Tags: , , , .

I’ve lost all enthusiasm about going for picnics. Today was the annual office picnic and although I have been attending these since I’ve joined, I gave this year a miss. Many people asked me why. I just didnt feel like going this year.

The funny thing is I always give this theory when people act pricey about attending social events especially when they’re expected to be present. The theory goes something like this:

There are some people (in this world) who will always say that they wont be going and the rest have to beg, plead, cajole and whine for them to finally consent. That is only if the following sentences are uttered – Come on, it will be no fun without you. Please come, it wont be the same. And so on and so forth.

Theory not applicable here, of course.

The definition of a picnic isnt a fun event for me anymore. I dont know what kind of picnics you guys go to but the ones I end up in usually involve a group of people playing cards from 10am till 5pm. Last year, the winner made about 4000 rupees by the end of the day. A worthy task indeed and much boasted about till this date. Another group of people will be dancing for approximately the same period of time, watched by The Audience who probably dont know how to play cards and dont know how to dance either, in my opinion.

And before anyone asks, I belong to the dancing category.

And there is one teetotaller who will be given the most important job of being the bartender. He will be immensely popular that day and will be everybody’s friend as long as the drinks keep coming. The moment the bar closes, he runs for his life and a commotion is guaranteed at the empty bar.

Happens every year.

Continue reading ‘It aint no picnic’

What does it take to be a Roadie?

Published on January 20, 2009 in MTV Roadies. 21 Comments Tags: , , , , .

You’ll probably have to be:

1. A loud, fight-loving vixen who would offer to thrash others in the very next minute. Should be able to gesture like mad, flailing arms and point fingers at the other person’s face continuously till her opponent walks off. Should latch on to one guy and make him a body guard of sorts.

2. Cute guy who should want to forever be at the vixen’s side. Should aim to mediate her fights with other girls and come between the two warring parties so that no one actually gets beaten up in the bargain. Naturally, this will cause the other girls to dislike him immensely and put him on the spot light whenever a particularly nasty task has to be performed. Ouch.

3. A rainbow coloured peacock with makeup to match. To be the group air head with vacant expression and blank smile. Should dress horrendously to suit weird personality. Will be one of the first people to be wanted to be voted out but will probably stay till the end because “she belongs to no one”.

4. Several bitchy girls whose main aim will be to gossip about the others, plot and scheme and basically act infuriatingly catty. Side with like-minded personalities and form groups among each other. Pick a couple of guys who’d probably like them but not so much that they’d sacrifice themselves for the girls in the end.

5. A real stupid guy who wears shoes that hasnt been released in India till now and whose accent goes awry after a couple of sentences. Should be able to embarass himself thoroughly on national television. And talk poor english such as I got 3 shots in the middle of my both legs. Maybe mistake Roadies for the grand circus, in all probability.

There are so many freaks and confused souls on MTV Roadies 6 this time that I’m beginning to wonder if this is really Roadies I’m watching. And since reality shows this time around means painful humiliation and absurd tasks, I for one am not missing even one episode.

With all the cat-fights, name-calling, abuse-flinging adventure ride in store, I would recommend you not to miss the show either. This time seems to be Hell Down Under indeed, much pun intended after the last task!

Why I liked Ghajini

Published on January 11, 2009 in Interesting to watch. 16 Comments Tags: , , .

Before I watched the movie, I read a really scathing review in a friend’s blog. So I was all prepared to dislike the movie and start finding its faults before I had finished my popcorn. The only glaring one I unearthed was that Jiah Khan girl with her irritating demeanour and nosy ways. She should stick to doing item numbers and I agree with my friend completely when he said that someone should have killed her instead at the end of the movie!

So these are the reasons why I liked Ghajini, the movie:

  • I dont watch a lot of Bollywood movies but I dont remember a film ever before being named after the lead Villian! Now how often does that happen? Yes, people who havent watched the movie (if there are any), Ghajini is the nasty villian who hacks Aamir’s girlfriend to death. Its interesting because most Indian film makers tend to label their films with the hero’s names only. This was refreshingly different.
  • Aamir Khan looks good even at his age. Now for someone who’s scared of growing old and dreading turning 30, this guy is quite an inspiration. And of course, I dont need to tell you how good an actor he is and how much fans like the rest of us wait for his once-in-a-year movies.
  • The lead actress, Asin really holds her own against Aamir Khan. For a debut performance, she didnt let herself be overshadowed in the mighty performance of her co-star. In fact, by the intermission – I was feeling quite mutinous myself and understanding why Aamir would want his revenge for the murder of a life so vivacious.
  • You know how Bollywood movies are all so preachy and have this little moral at the end of it? Well, this one’s got one too and it is this – No good ever comes out of being helpful and kind in this world. After all the girl does get killed for doing the right thing. At least, the movie has an honest theme and is anything but preachy!
  • Mr Ghajini for inventing the golf swing as a new way to murder people. Also, he endeared himself (to me at least) for pronouncing ’short term memory loss’ as shot turm memry lass! He was the ultimate bad guy and I cringed inwardly whenever he yelled on screen.
  • The movie enthralled the audience, for sure. Three ladies sitting next to me oohed and aahed and cursed Aamir for leaving his cell phone in the car while his poor girlfriend is calling him for help. The whole audience gasped collectively when Aamir was being bludgeoned to near death. They all laughed out loud at the funny moments and drew sharp, breath intakes at the climax. And yes, the cinema hall was full even after two weeks of release.

Of course, there were certain pitfalls like songs popping in out of nowhere and how long the movie was and so on. But these were nothing compared to Aamir’s rippling muscles flexed while he was in the gym! Overall, a paisa wasool movie. Go watch it, if you havent already.